What She's Doing Now

What She's Doing Now

Last time I saw her, it was turnin' colder
But that was years ago
Last I'd heard she had moved to Boulder
But where she's now, I don't know
But there's somethin' 'bout this time of year
That spins my head around
Takes me back, makes me wonder
What's she doin' now

"cause what she's doin now is tearin' me apart
Fillin' up my mind and emptyin' my heart
I can hear her call  each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows..what she's doin' now

Just for laughs I dialed her old number
But no one knew her name
Hung up the phone, sat there and wondered
If she'd ever done the same
I took a walk in the evenin' wind
To clear my head somehow
But tonight I lie here thinkin'
What's she doin' now

'Cause what she's doin' now is tearin' me apart
'Fillin up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows...what's she's doin' now

'Cause what she's doin' now is tearin' me apart
Fillin' up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows...what she's doin' now

I love this old Garth Brooks song. It brings back lots of memories for me..some good, some not so good. But such is life. Do we all actually find our one 'true love' ? If we do, do we know it ? Or do we screw it up and spend the rest of our lives waiting for it to appear again.Or do we 'settle' on someone, while we wait ? Is that really fair to you or to the other person ?What happens if  'the one' thinks you're an idiot, or you simply don't try to tell them. Or you're best friends who see each other through the heartaches and disappiontments of life. Comfortable enough to know practically everything about each other,even perhaps dependent on each other, but never taking that final step. Why ? Because you're scared to lose them, that's why. They are your security blanket, your secret teddy bear or stuffed animal you sleep with at night. Everybody has one, admit it. I have my pillow its 46 years old, there's not much left of the insides, but its mine.It has gone everywhere with me. Vacations, cruises, football games,you name it. It even goes to the hospital with me.Even when I slept for a long time after my surgeries, in ICU, everywhere.I guess the ICU nurse tried to get it way from me when I was out of it, and I wouldnt give it up no matter what.When I finally realized what was going on a day and a 1/2 later, I had it tucked under my arm. LOL But I digress.
Now, those of you who know me know that I am going through a divorce right now. She left me for another man (men)last Sept. But she had actually been doing this behind my back for years, according to her facebook page.But she's not the one this song is about for me. This song reminds me of someone whom I fell in love with at first sight. This happened a looooong time ago. I think about her and smile everyday. But she will probably never know..and that's ok. She has a great life now, and I have the flaming wreckage of mine. If I close my eyes, I can remember when we met, her voice and her beauty. I think she actually liked me, but I was too stupid and dumbfounded to figure it out.  So dear, no matter what song I liked, I whistled, the poems that I wrote, all that stuff didn't pertain to you anyway. You can screw as many men as you want to, including the two you are stringing along now. Oh, and I heard that I interrupted something when I called you in mexico.Did you stop long enough to answer the phone and hang up on me, or did we keep right on going ? I hope youre proud of yourself . Maybe it wont get you as excited if you're not married anymore,is that why you're dragging you feet ? Or is it the extra weight frombeing mounted all the time ? Have a nice life. By the way drop my name, you don't deserve it. How do you like them apples.  (all kinds of ways from what I hear)